Getting Nearer

I haven't written in awhile and I'm not sure why. I thought writing this blog would somehow be therapeutic as a way to vent or something. But as time draws closer I find myself doing what I can't seem to break away from and that is staying away from everything and everybody and keeping my mind occupied with TV or a book. I just want my mind focusing on anything but what's really going on in my life. So hanging out with friends or family brings all the stress and madness to the surface. I'd rather stuff it down and not feel that pain. I sure hope I'm not the only crazy one.

I've been really trying to give it to God. Those words are so easy to say and some days I do it with ease. Most of the time though lately, I haven't been able to do it at all. Even this is an effort. My small group has certainly helped and honestly, if it weren't at my house, I might have blown that off too. I rest in the fact that God loves me. He knows my heart and he knows my methods for coping while not the best; it's what I can do at this point in my life. I'm a work in progress.

So we're about 9 days away from closing the Ranch. I still don't know for sure if I'm able to stay on board and of course, in what capacity and pay. Everyday seems to bring another seriously interested buyer with an impending offer. Saddleback has been silent. Shepherd of the Hills has toured 4 times and has met with the Crystal Cathedral and now wants to meet with some of the employees. It is rumored the Crean Family was on the property and proclaimed themselves as the new owner and an announcement would be made this week. The stories and rumors are endless and it's exhausting.

The first court hearing with my ex-husband's custody suit is tomorrow. If it weren't for this battle, I would be much better able to handle the closing of the Ranch. This just threw me for a loop. Thank you to my beloved Aida who reminds me often, that God is with me and not with my ex-husband (at his own choice of course) and what other ally do I need!!! So I go tomorrow and prayfully, we can resolve this with the mediator and not proceed to court at the end of the month.

The Lord in the next two weeks, will reveal several directions of my life.