Ranch Closing

The end of the 60 Day Notice was officially today. 59 employees were terminated and about 30 or so others remain as part time/seasonal employees to help facilitate the weddings. I, myself, was the only one to keep my full time position. It's bittersweet as I write this. I want to be excited that I get to stay and go to work every day to a place I feel God's called me to. On the other hand, several others are out of work and my heart aches for them during this rough time in the economy.

So we had a good-bye potluck today and it was a somber occasion of course. Jenda spoke out of an attitude of gratitude and her words were beautiful. The kitchen staff made a prime rib lunch complete with veggies and potatoes. The food was delicious.

Originally when I started this blog, I felt in my heart that God was going to provide a miracle and I wanted to document it. I personally am extremely blessed to still be a part of the Ranch and it's a miracle for me and a few others that get to stay on a part time basis. As for the others, I rest in the fact that God has a plan for their lives. Who knows...it may be at the Ranch someday or a completely different direction. So it wasn't what I thought God was going to do, albeit good. It makes me realize once again that God knows what He is doing and everything works together for the good of those who love Him.


Romans 8:28 (New International Version)
28And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him,[a] who[b] have been called according to his purpose.

Getting Nearer

I haven't written in awhile and I'm not sure why. I thought writing this blog would somehow be therapeutic as a way to vent or something. But as time draws closer I find myself doing what I can't seem to break away from and that is staying away from everything and everybody and keeping my mind occupied with TV or a book. I just want my mind focusing on anything but what's really going on in my life. So hanging out with friends or family brings all the stress and madness to the surface. I'd rather stuff it down and not feel that pain. I sure hope I'm not the only crazy one.

I've been really trying to give it to God. Those words are so easy to say and some days I do it with ease. Most of the time though lately, I haven't been able to do it at all. Even this is an effort. My small group has certainly helped and honestly, if it weren't at my house, I might have blown that off too. I rest in the fact that God loves me. He knows my heart and he knows my methods for coping while not the best; it's what I can do at this point in my life. I'm a work in progress.

So we're about 9 days away from closing the Ranch. I still don't know for sure if I'm able to stay on board and of course, in what capacity and pay. Everyday seems to bring another seriously interested buyer with an impending offer. Saddleback has been silent. Shepherd of the Hills has toured 4 times and has met with the Crystal Cathedral and now wants to meet with some of the employees. It is rumored the Crean Family was on the property and proclaimed themselves as the new owner and an announcement would be made this week. The stories and rumors are endless and it's exhausting.

The first court hearing with my ex-husband's custody suit is tomorrow. If it weren't for this battle, I would be much better able to handle the closing of the Ranch. This just threw me for a loop. Thank you to my beloved Aida who reminds me often, that God is with me and not with my ex-husband (at his own choice of course) and what other ally do I need!!! So I go tomorrow and prayfully, we can resolve this with the mediator and not proceed to court at the end of the month.

The Lord in the next two weeks, will reveal several directions of my life.

If I could just have....then I'd be happy

We've all heard the saying "If I could just have______then I'd be happy." This week's study in "No Other God's" focused on desires. In the story of Leah and Rachel in the Old Testament, one sister, Rachel, was beautiful and had the love of their mutual husband, Jacob but was unable to have children. The other, Leah, was homely and unloved but was able to have children. Both had blessings in one way or another but were unhappy because of the things they didn't have. Rachel did finally have children but still worshipped household idols. The point is that it doesn't matter if you have it all and get everything your heart desires, or if you're left wanting and unloved. Neither works.

Why is that? I look back on my life and seemingly had it all at one point. But even then, I still had something to complain about. I remember being so distraught because I didn't know which direction to take in order to satisfy my passion to be creative. Oh if I could only have just that dilemma today! But why can't we be happy with what we have? Because God is not the ultimate thing!

Here's an excerpt from the book:

"I believe obedience is the precursor to experiencing God's satisfying presence and the richness of His blessings. This is not a formula but a path that manifests itself in a relationship that is honest and open between God and us. It functions supremely when we are looking to Him as Savior. Yet when you encounter Him and begin to take Him at His words through obedience, His name doesn't mean easy answers but power and love and life-sustaining freedom."

There are several passages in this book that are really good. This one is profound to me at this moment in my life. During my divorce, I became obedient to God and have even grown more so in the last 5 years. I may not be a prayer warrior or serve in church like I should but I am definitely obedient. So if what Kelly Minter (author) writes above is true, then I should be experiencing His blessings, power, love and life-sustaining freedom. He says that He has come that I may have life, and have it to the full." But I don't. Instead, I have major struggles. Don't misunderstand, I'm healthy, my children and family are all healthy and I thank God all the time for that. My desire is simply to provide for my family while working at a job I love. The whole reason I started this blog was because I wanted to see (and tell others) God perform a miracle at the Ranch...because I love it so much. However, I haven't really been able to support my family with the money I earn and here's where my desire falls short.

My challenges are overwhelming right now to the point I have anxiety pounding on my chest. I feel like I'm on the edge of discovering these wonderful things God has but I just can't seem to get there. I'm not looking for easy answers but just answers.

I know I haven't communicated well the way I feel in my heart. But I do feel that God is the ultimate in my life. It's just all so confusing and every day, I try to figure it out. Maybe that's it. Maybe I've done all I can do in my obedience and have to let God do the rest.

Okay God, I do surrender. I'll let You do the rest!

Ranch Update

I haven't written about the Ranch for awhile now. And it's simply because I have no news to tell. The day count is down to 25 days until closing and according to the Crystal Cathedral, nothing has been signed. I find that so hard to believe when my very reputable source says otherwise. I'm not saying anyone's lying. I think there's a huge play on words and what they mean to the individual.

So, it's scary that so many days have passed and I don't know for sure if I'm staying on to manage the facility for the weddings. I know for sure I can stay on in a part time capacity but I don't know that I want to settle for that. I'm thinking I need to be steadfast and really hold firm to my full time proposal. There's not a whole lot of time to be vascillating though. I've got to get moving!

Enough of that...how about American Idol? I can hardly wait till the season starts. The girls are great this year..I voted for three tonight. I like the guys too, especially the two really nervous young guys and Lee. We'll see what happens.

Deceptions and Lies

Our homework for small group was very enlightening for me this week. The session was about "lies." I learned that one can tell truths yet still be deceptive. In the story of Adam and Eve in the Garden of Eden, Satan tempts Eve with complete truths. Did you know that? Maybe I did but it never registered until now. Yes, he told Eve the fruit is pleasing to the eye, good for food and desirable for gaining wisdom. He also argued 1) You will surely not die 2) For God knows that when you eat of it your eyes will be opened and 3) And you will be like God, knowing good and evil. All of this is true yet still deceptive. Why? Call me crazy but this is so profound to me. Satan will tell us what's true, but he never tells us the truth. Satan spoke a lot of true things, yet none of it was the truth!

God is true and His Word is true! When we stray from God's original words to us (like Adam and Eve), it becomes amazingly easy to get caught up in deception and counterfeit options. The author, Kelly Minter tells us that people who need to recognize counterfeit money train by studying the original. Teaching them what a million possible counterfeits look like makes no sense when all they need to know is the real thing. It's the same for us. In order to stick with the truth, we have to know it.

Then the book challenges us to look inside ourselves and acknowledge the lies we've believed about ourselves. These "small" imaginations that capture our brains ARE the major lies we believe. You know the ones...I must be crazy (my favorite), my clothes are dorky, I feel like people think I'm weird, I'm not smart, I don't fit in or how about when we make up stories in our minds about what other people are thinking when they respond in a certain way to us. At least now, we can identify what's going on in our heads and walk away from the lies---even though sometimes they're subtle.

Believe God's promises for our lives. It's hard..I go back and forth daily. It takes confidence to believe that God is going to protect and take care of us as we wait in difficult situations. But He always does!

Managing Your Finances

Interesting facts in the Bible on finances:

• 2350 verses on money and possessions
• 16 of 38 parables Jesus taught dealt with finances
• 1 out of 6 verses in Matthew, Mark, Luke relate to money and possessions
• 3 times more verses in the Bible about money and possessions than love
• 7 times more than prayer
• 8 times more than belief

"Well done, good and faithful servant!" Matt 25:21 The goal of every Christian is to hear God say these words when we meet Him face to face. But did you know this statement refers to how we did with the money God entrusted to us? I didn't know that. I always thought it was a general statement about what we did with our life.

Tonight I went to Week 2 of a Managing Money Workshop at Saddleback and the above was an enlightening take away. What I find most interesting is that at this time in my life, my income is at its lowest point and I really don't want to face the music on this topic. So just listening to the things I'm supposed to be doing with my money is quite painful. My stomach is in serious knots. I'm thankful for the Excel spreadsheets because they will help me to start tracking and planning. But I still don't know whether I'll be unemployed in a month so I'm tempted to procrastinate once again.

The end of March will determine so much. My 60 notice is up on March 27, Saddleback makes an announcement on March 28 about a new worship center they're "building" and my custody hearing with Carlos is on March 29. Crazy or what? It's a culmination of something big, I think.

God's got a plan...that I do know!

What do you think God's trying to tell us when you look at our Country in the financial state it's in? Post a comment.

Fear

We had an intimate session tonight with our small group as some could not make it. Sometimes when there are less people I think we tend to open ourselves up to vulnerability than when there's a larger group. It's pretty cool actually.

We're in Week 2 of "No Other Gods." The last chapter titled "Why Idols" has to do with fear. Whatever we fear is our god. Fear itself is not the god; the object of our fear is the god. For some people fear can be the single most debilitating and paralyzing emotion. I look back on my life and can easily remember all the things I was afraid of. For the past several years I have this fear of being homeless. Therefore, my home becomes my idol. The importance of having this home is the focus of my thoughts. Even though I prayed for this home and I honestly believe God gave us this home, I know God doesn't want me to put it before Him. So when I get stressed about the rent, instead of obsessing, I go to Him with my burden and truly let go and trust that since He provided this house, He'll take care of the rent. Yeah right...these words were so easy to type. Yet I know it's true so why won't I believe them? It's the essence of what God is teaching me at this point in my life.

Psalm 56:3 When I am afraid, I will trust in You!

The author writes this: "I will say that Scripture has been tremendously effective in combating my fears. Not because scripture is full of helpful quotes about how not to be afraid, but because it's actually the recording of God's heart toward His creation--a creation He knows is prone to be afraid at every turn. He knows our frailty. He knows what causes our blood to run cold. He knows that fear can be our default. I wonder if this is why Scripture has so much to say about it."

I want to be at peace today. I want to really know in my heart that when God tells me not to fear, He will empower me not to fear. This morning as I contemplated the giant list of burdens (and I'm not exaggerating), I listened to my Christian music, talked with my sister in Christ, Aida, did my homework for small group and I prayed. And of course, all of these things were just what I needed to feel at peace. I was good for the rest of the day.

Then right before I came in to write this, my dad tells me about the Verizon bill. Okay Lord, I have to start all over again.

And that's how it's done!!...........................................I just made God laugh!