Ranch Closing

The end of the 60 Day Notice was officially today. 59 employees were terminated and about 30 or so others remain as part time/seasonal employees to help facilitate the weddings. I, myself, was the only one to keep my full time position. It's bittersweet as I write this. I want to be excited that I get to stay and go to work every day to a place I feel God's called me to. On the other hand, several others are out of work and my heart aches for them during this rough time in the economy.

So we had a good-bye potluck today and it was a somber occasion of course. Jenda spoke out of an attitude of gratitude and her words were beautiful. The kitchen staff made a prime rib lunch complete with veggies and potatoes. The food was delicious.

Originally when I started this blog, I felt in my heart that God was going to provide a miracle and I wanted to document it. I personally am extremely blessed to still be a part of the Ranch and it's a miracle for me and a few others that get to stay on a part time basis. As for the others, I rest in the fact that God has a plan for their lives. Who knows...it may be at the Ranch someday or a completely different direction. So it wasn't what I thought God was going to do, albeit good. It makes me realize once again that God knows what He is doing and everything works together for the good of those who love Him.


Romans 8:28 (New International Version)
28And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him,[a] who[b] have been called according to his purpose.

Getting Nearer

I haven't written in awhile and I'm not sure why. I thought writing this blog would somehow be therapeutic as a way to vent or something. But as time draws closer I find myself doing what I can't seem to break away from and that is staying away from everything and everybody and keeping my mind occupied with TV or a book. I just want my mind focusing on anything but what's really going on in my life. So hanging out with friends or family brings all the stress and madness to the surface. I'd rather stuff it down and not feel that pain. I sure hope I'm not the only crazy one.

I've been really trying to give it to God. Those words are so easy to say and some days I do it with ease. Most of the time though lately, I haven't been able to do it at all. Even this is an effort. My small group has certainly helped and honestly, if it weren't at my house, I might have blown that off too. I rest in the fact that God loves me. He knows my heart and he knows my methods for coping while not the best; it's what I can do at this point in my life. I'm a work in progress.

So we're about 9 days away from closing the Ranch. I still don't know for sure if I'm able to stay on board and of course, in what capacity and pay. Everyday seems to bring another seriously interested buyer with an impending offer. Saddleback has been silent. Shepherd of the Hills has toured 4 times and has met with the Crystal Cathedral and now wants to meet with some of the employees. It is rumored the Crean Family was on the property and proclaimed themselves as the new owner and an announcement would be made this week. The stories and rumors are endless and it's exhausting.

The first court hearing with my ex-husband's custody suit is tomorrow. If it weren't for this battle, I would be much better able to handle the closing of the Ranch. This just threw me for a loop. Thank you to my beloved Aida who reminds me often, that God is with me and not with my ex-husband (at his own choice of course) and what other ally do I need!!! So I go tomorrow and prayfully, we can resolve this with the mediator and not proceed to court at the end of the month.

The Lord in the next two weeks, will reveal several directions of my life.

If I could just have....then I'd be happy

We've all heard the saying "If I could just have______then I'd be happy." This week's study in "No Other God's" focused on desires. In the story of Leah and Rachel in the Old Testament, one sister, Rachel, was beautiful and had the love of their mutual husband, Jacob but was unable to have children. The other, Leah, was homely and unloved but was able to have children. Both had blessings in one way or another but were unhappy because of the things they didn't have. Rachel did finally have children but still worshipped household idols. The point is that it doesn't matter if you have it all and get everything your heart desires, or if you're left wanting and unloved. Neither works.

Why is that? I look back on my life and seemingly had it all at one point. But even then, I still had something to complain about. I remember being so distraught because I didn't know which direction to take in order to satisfy my passion to be creative. Oh if I could only have just that dilemma today! But why can't we be happy with what we have? Because God is not the ultimate thing!

Here's an excerpt from the book:

"I believe obedience is the precursor to experiencing God's satisfying presence and the richness of His blessings. This is not a formula but a path that manifests itself in a relationship that is honest and open between God and us. It functions supremely when we are looking to Him as Savior. Yet when you encounter Him and begin to take Him at His words through obedience, His name doesn't mean easy answers but power and love and life-sustaining freedom."

There are several passages in this book that are really good. This one is profound to me at this moment in my life. During my divorce, I became obedient to God and have even grown more so in the last 5 years. I may not be a prayer warrior or serve in church like I should but I am definitely obedient. So if what Kelly Minter (author) writes above is true, then I should be experiencing His blessings, power, love and life-sustaining freedom. He says that He has come that I may have life, and have it to the full." But I don't. Instead, I have major struggles. Don't misunderstand, I'm healthy, my children and family are all healthy and I thank God all the time for that. My desire is simply to provide for my family while working at a job I love. The whole reason I started this blog was because I wanted to see (and tell others) God perform a miracle at the Ranch...because I love it so much. However, I haven't really been able to support my family with the money I earn and here's where my desire falls short.

My challenges are overwhelming right now to the point I have anxiety pounding on my chest. I feel like I'm on the edge of discovering these wonderful things God has but I just can't seem to get there. I'm not looking for easy answers but just answers.

I know I haven't communicated well the way I feel in my heart. But I do feel that God is the ultimate in my life. It's just all so confusing and every day, I try to figure it out. Maybe that's it. Maybe I've done all I can do in my obedience and have to let God do the rest.

Okay God, I do surrender. I'll let You do the rest!

Ranch Update

I haven't written about the Ranch for awhile now. And it's simply because I have no news to tell. The day count is down to 25 days until closing and according to the Crystal Cathedral, nothing has been signed. I find that so hard to believe when my very reputable source says otherwise. I'm not saying anyone's lying. I think there's a huge play on words and what they mean to the individual.

So, it's scary that so many days have passed and I don't know for sure if I'm staying on to manage the facility for the weddings. I know for sure I can stay on in a part time capacity but I don't know that I want to settle for that. I'm thinking I need to be steadfast and really hold firm to my full time proposal. There's not a whole lot of time to be vascillating though. I've got to get moving!

Enough of that...how about American Idol? I can hardly wait till the season starts. The girls are great this year..I voted for three tonight. I like the guys too, especially the two really nervous young guys and Lee. We'll see what happens.

Deceptions and Lies

Our homework for small group was very enlightening for me this week. The session was about "lies." I learned that one can tell truths yet still be deceptive. In the story of Adam and Eve in the Garden of Eden, Satan tempts Eve with complete truths. Did you know that? Maybe I did but it never registered until now. Yes, he told Eve the fruit is pleasing to the eye, good for food and desirable for gaining wisdom. He also argued 1) You will surely not die 2) For God knows that when you eat of it your eyes will be opened and 3) And you will be like God, knowing good and evil. All of this is true yet still deceptive. Why? Call me crazy but this is so profound to me. Satan will tell us what's true, but he never tells us the truth. Satan spoke a lot of true things, yet none of it was the truth!

God is true and His Word is true! When we stray from God's original words to us (like Adam and Eve), it becomes amazingly easy to get caught up in deception and counterfeit options. The author, Kelly Minter tells us that people who need to recognize counterfeit money train by studying the original. Teaching them what a million possible counterfeits look like makes no sense when all they need to know is the real thing. It's the same for us. In order to stick with the truth, we have to know it.

Then the book challenges us to look inside ourselves and acknowledge the lies we've believed about ourselves. These "small" imaginations that capture our brains ARE the major lies we believe. You know the ones...I must be crazy (my favorite), my clothes are dorky, I feel like people think I'm weird, I'm not smart, I don't fit in or how about when we make up stories in our minds about what other people are thinking when they respond in a certain way to us. At least now, we can identify what's going on in our heads and walk away from the lies---even though sometimes they're subtle.

Believe God's promises for our lives. It's hard..I go back and forth daily. It takes confidence to believe that God is going to protect and take care of us as we wait in difficult situations. But He always does!

Managing Your Finances

Interesting facts in the Bible on finances:

• 2350 verses on money and possessions
• 16 of 38 parables Jesus taught dealt with finances
• 1 out of 6 verses in Matthew, Mark, Luke relate to money and possessions
• 3 times more verses in the Bible about money and possessions than love
• 7 times more than prayer
• 8 times more than belief

"Well done, good and faithful servant!" Matt 25:21 The goal of every Christian is to hear God say these words when we meet Him face to face. But did you know this statement refers to how we did with the money God entrusted to us? I didn't know that. I always thought it was a general statement about what we did with our life.

Tonight I went to Week 2 of a Managing Money Workshop at Saddleback and the above was an enlightening take away. What I find most interesting is that at this time in my life, my income is at its lowest point and I really don't want to face the music on this topic. So just listening to the things I'm supposed to be doing with my money is quite painful. My stomach is in serious knots. I'm thankful for the Excel spreadsheets because they will help me to start tracking and planning. But I still don't know whether I'll be unemployed in a month so I'm tempted to procrastinate once again.

The end of March will determine so much. My 60 notice is up on March 27, Saddleback makes an announcement on March 28 about a new worship center they're "building" and my custody hearing with Carlos is on March 29. Crazy or what? It's a culmination of something big, I think.

God's got a plan...that I do know!

What do you think God's trying to tell us when you look at our Country in the financial state it's in? Post a comment.

Fear

We had an intimate session tonight with our small group as some could not make it. Sometimes when there are less people I think we tend to open ourselves up to vulnerability than when there's a larger group. It's pretty cool actually.

We're in Week 2 of "No Other Gods." The last chapter titled "Why Idols" has to do with fear. Whatever we fear is our god. Fear itself is not the god; the object of our fear is the god. For some people fear can be the single most debilitating and paralyzing emotion. I look back on my life and can easily remember all the things I was afraid of. For the past several years I have this fear of being homeless. Therefore, my home becomes my idol. The importance of having this home is the focus of my thoughts. Even though I prayed for this home and I honestly believe God gave us this home, I know God doesn't want me to put it before Him. So when I get stressed about the rent, instead of obsessing, I go to Him with my burden and truly let go and trust that since He provided this house, He'll take care of the rent. Yeah right...these words were so easy to type. Yet I know it's true so why won't I believe them? It's the essence of what God is teaching me at this point in my life.

Psalm 56:3 When I am afraid, I will trust in You!

The author writes this: "I will say that Scripture has been tremendously effective in combating my fears. Not because scripture is full of helpful quotes about how not to be afraid, but because it's actually the recording of God's heart toward His creation--a creation He knows is prone to be afraid at every turn. He knows our frailty. He knows what causes our blood to run cold. He knows that fear can be our default. I wonder if this is why Scripture has so much to say about it."

I want to be at peace today. I want to really know in my heart that when God tells me not to fear, He will empower me not to fear. This morning as I contemplated the giant list of burdens (and I'm not exaggerating), I listened to my Christian music, talked with my sister in Christ, Aida, did my homework for small group and I prayed. And of course, all of these things were just what I needed to feel at peace. I was good for the rest of the day.

Then right before I came in to write this, my dad tells me about the Verizon bill. Okay Lord, I have to start all over again.

And that's how it's done!!...........................................I just made God laugh!

Happy Birthday Chloe

Today is my daughter's 18th birthday. She started her day at 7:30am.!!!! Seriously, Chloe?? I don't remember the last time I saw her beautiful face that early on a Sunday morning. I hadn't yet wrapped her presents because I thought I'd have hours. Her father took her to get her nails and toes done and then to lunch. She went to have coffee in Laguna and then dinner at K'ya with her girlfriends. We were able to get her for dessert. Oh wait, we did have breakfast together. I made her poached eggs with tapatio on toast. Hey, at least we got her today, right? I made her a mini red velvet bundt cake with cream cheese frosting so we could sing a horrific rendition of the b-day song. It was the thought that counts and the cake "looked" yummy..yes, all I could do was look, unfortunately. She had a fantastic day surrounded by people who love her to death. What more could she want...except for that car she asked her dad for.

I stopped by to wish my friend Tawnya a Happy Birthday. I couldn't make it for the dinner because I was focused on Chloe's day. But I was happy to see the girls. I don't get a chance to see this group often so I was happy to spend a few minutes with them. I love these ladies. It makes me so appreciative of their friendship because I don't offer much of my time these days. I'm so wrapped up with the challenges in my life and that may seem like a poor excuse, I know. But these ladies are so gracious and loving, it makes me love them all the more. I love you Tawnya, Cindy and Laura!

So the word out on the street and in the OC Register is that Saddleback Church's Rick Warren is the top contender for The Ranch. HMMMMMMMM is all I can say. No, I can say that I would LOVE LOVE LOVE to be an employee of Saddleback Church. We'll all have to wait and see.

His Perfect Timing

This is from my How to Pray in Challenging Times book:

Pray God will grant you faith enough and humility enough to leave things in His hands and in His perfect timing.

1 Peter 5:6-7 (New International Version)
6Humble yourselves, therefore, under God's mighty hand, that he may lift you up in due time. 7Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you.

Have you ever had so much to do that you don't know where to start? Ever been so overwhelmed with everything on your plate that you find yourself during the day taking deep breaths that are really huge sighs? I felt this way today.

This is the perfect prayer and the perfect verse for days like today. I did read it a few times during the day. I wish I could say I have complete peace but I don't. I do rest in the fact that God's timing is perfect.

Farewell to Cheryl

Cheryl, who has been the Chief Operating Director at the Ranch for 15 years is no longer an active staff member as of yesterday. Today our weekly meeting went on without her as will operations here on the Ranch.

I personally would not have had this wonderful opportunity if it weren't for Cheryl. She took a chance with hiring me despite the opposition from trusting staff members due to my lack of experience in this industry. I will always be grateful to her for that and the support she provided on a personal level as well. I have no doubt that God has a plan for her. Maybe it will be here on the Ranch in the future or maybe there's another fabulous opportunity awaiting her gifts and talents. In any case, I wish her all the best and many wonderful blessings.

My amazing news has not been announced yet so sorry, still can't comment on that. As a matter of fact, the announcement in this morning's meeting was the opposite of what I thought. That is, the deal for the sale of the Ranch is not consummated. My source is truly the most reputable person yet it's so so difficult to decipher the truth when I come here. Everyday, has some news yet I don't know if it's true or not true. This is beyond crazy!!!

The Ranch aside, I got ntoice yesterday that my ex-husband is suing for custody of my youngest daughter. He was awarded only visitation in the divorce proceedings. I'm looking to the Lord to work this out for me because I'm exhausted. I'm completely surrendering this to Him as I just don't have it in me for another fight. But the Lord does intevene and I'm confident this outcome will be just as He knows it should be for Livi's well being. Please keep us in prayer.

3 Letters Describe Today

OMG!!!

Normally, in texting, I use this to represent "Oh My Gosh!! But today, it's oh MY GOD! My God let me behold a miracle tonight. Everything was orchestrated so perfectly for this to happen. I can't even put it into words, it's so amazing.

However, I can't tell you about it just yet. I gave my word. So, you'll just have to tune in over the next couple of days

Is It a Sense of Entitlement?

I have worked very creatively on the Ranch over the past year and half to make it as beautiful as I could using what little I had. One of my favorite rooms is used mainly by the grooms as their dressing room. It's one of two casitas (little houses). I re-decorated it last year and purchased items from Pier One when it went out of business in Mission Viejo. It was so cute. Today, I found out that curtains (bought with my own money) along with 2 decorator pillows were stolen. It sounds so trivial I know...but now when you walk in the room now it's funny to see these orange pillows on brown sofas. The curtains and the other pillows tied it all together. It was just complete and now it's not.

They were no guests in the Hacienda rooms this past week. That could only mean the thief is an employee. Why steal them now after they've been there almost a year? And why not take anything else in the room? There are cute knick-knack stuff that match perfectly. How did he/she get a key? When would there be an opportunity? It doesn't seem like it would be a guy because what guy would want curtains and pillows. I'm driving myself crazy with these questions.

The fallout of closing the Ranch is most felt by the employees. However, does that make it okay for us to feel a sense of entitlement to anything we want to take? Just because we don't have jobs in 60 days gives us the right to steal in order to somehow get paid what we deserve?

I just don't get it. I'm supposed to be working in ministry...on God's holy land. I have to let this go. This is the kind of thing that eats at me for days. I mentioned before that I have this crazy inquisitive quality and I keep going over it to see if I missed anything that could be a clue to who it is. But there's too much already to think about to add this on top. So I pray to let this go.

Since this is only the 2nd week, my fear is that this is only the beginning of what's to come.

It's Reality For Us but Smoke & Mirrors for CCM

Yesterday, two of the Ranch's most dedicated managers quit. Both for the same reason..it's too chaotic and stressful. The stress of knowing you're going to be unemployed in less than two months is stress enough. But to come to work everyday and take heat from angry conference guests and brides is more than they wanted take on.

From the start this whole closure was handled poorly. Absolutely no thought or planning on the part of the Crystal Cathedral went into it. Saying they're closing it yet still continuing with weddings is a contradiction. Now the school is staying open till June which is what should have happened in the first place had there been some common sense used in this decision. The soccer leagues have presented proposals to keep the fields open. Now someone significant is going to submit a request to keep the retreats and conferences going till the end of the year at the Crystal Cathedral board meeting. So if that request is granted this whole thing was futile.

In addition to the insanity above, we now have 2 people managing the Ranch. Cheryl, has been the Operating Director for 15 years and John Charles is the one appointed recently to manage the ranch. There are no clear job descriptions for each, although it is clear John Charles is the ultimate decision maker. Yet Cheryl has not been given direction as to what she has authority t do. It's crazy. I'm fortunate to be pretty much self-sufficient as I don't interact with the guests. The people in other departments are like bobble-heads, looking back and forth to Cheryl and then to John. Of course it has to be that these two personalities are polar opposites. Cheryl is the ulimate planner down to the smallest detail and John seems to go with the flow so to speak. I completely understand the dilemma of the managers that quit yesterday.

What do we do? As Christians, we're told to respect authority and in this case it's John Charles. Or are we loyal and follow the one with whom we have the trust relationship and who has the experience of making the decisions that affect the viability of the Ranch?

I really think this whole thing was done 1) as a publicity stunt to get serious interested buyers knowing there's an urgency and 2) to appease the bank that demands the church to make serious cut backs. This 4.9 million number quoted in the newspaper as the amount saved by the church for the shut down is ridiculous. It was pulled out of a hat and it must have somehow satisfied the bank for now. It gives them time to sell it and pay off the balloon note due.

As of yesterday, there are 4 serious buyers. God will have final say in the end. Stay tuned to As the Ranch turns.....

I Want To Quit

I've been completely focused on my web site for the past 3 days and finally making some progress I have to say. But..if you're planning on building a website be prepared for much more work than originally anticipated, especially if you're selling products. Taking pictures of the jewelry alone takes hours and hours of shooting and re-shooting to get the color just right without shadows. Then manipulating those to the right size, brightness, etc. in Photoshop takes hours and hours. Then you're ready to load them into the website along with the description for each. Then comes the writing and there's alot of writing for as many pieces as I have. Are you tired yet? I am so tired of spending every waking moment on this. I want to quit!!!!

Tomorrow I have to work at the Ranch. Actually, we have a meeting with an agency that is coming to teach us how to write an effective resume. The thought of that makes me want to throw up. Interviewing and being out there pounding the pavement is more horrifying. I might be unemployed in less than 60 days. I say "might" because I was asked if I would consider staying on after the 60 days to facilitate the weddings. However, they don't know what the pay will be, whether or not it will be contract or employee status, etc. Bascially, they know nothing other than the weddings will continue. It's the first glimmer of hope though. You'd think I'd be more excited and praising God. Instead, I'm just one big complainer today. What's up with that? Thank God He's patient and full of mercy. He's up there shaking His head at me today because I am failing the test miserably.

Do you ever feel overwhelmed? Between the Ranch, my website, small group, my home duties and always thinking about how I'm neglecting my workouts, I feel like I'm not doing anything right. I want to quit everything! I need to look up scriptures on perseverance and believing God. Hey, where's my little scripture book? That should be right beside me for moments like these.

Why in the world am I writing this? And why in the world would anyone care to read the writings of such a whiner? Does anybody else relate to this? One day you're up, the next you're down. Ha Ha...that makes me think of a line in How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days. "You're up, you're down, you're here, you're there, you're like a frickin' one woman circus." Yup, that's me right now. Tune in tomorrow folks when I'll be up, hopefully for all of you!

No Other Gods

We're doing a study called "No Other Gods" in our small group which started a few weeks ago. We just got our books tonight and discussed what it means to have functional gods in our day and age. These are the things we put above God...kind of like modern day idols which could be all sorts of things, depending on our attitudes and actions toward them. An idol can be a physical object, a property, a person, an activity, a role, an institution, a hope, an image, an idea, a pleasure, a hero, anything that can substitute for God. We even talked about the things that are inherently good and right, but have become detrimental simply because we desire them too much. The author, Kelly Minter quotes John Calvin, "The evil in our desire typically does not lie in what we want, but that we want it too much."

I never really thought about this. But there's a reason God put "You shall have no other gods before me" as the first commandment so it has to be important. It reminds me of the Israelites and the many times throughout the bible they turn away from God and worship other idols and other gods. I get so frustrated sometimes and think, "Why don't they learn?" Well hello, I do it all the time. While I didn't make a golden calf or little statues, I did and still do use things as a substitute for God. The biggest one is a person in my life. I have definitely used him in place of God and over the past couple of years I've slowly learned the hard way that God wants me to go to Him with my struggles and desires. My heart breaks the more distant I become in this relationship but then I catch myself going to the Lord first when something happens. I realize more and more that it's what God wants from me..to be first in my life.

I was really praying for God to show me what to choose to study for this group and through someone at church, He led me to this. Even when I did decide on this book, I thought it would be a good study for THEM because I am going through something entirely different. Wow! Isn't this so God? He knows what I need way before I do or at least before I'll admit it.

Just like each and every study I've been through...there's something God wants to teach us. There's always a lightbulb that goes on about something. This just might be the brightest one since I least expected it. I really enjoy these ladies and am looking forward to what God has in store for me in small group over the next 8 weeks.

So Happy You're Alive

Cory and Sue: Thank God for His amazing grace.

Cory, my nephew and his Aunt Sue were driving up from San Diego today and were involved in a major car accident. There were no other cars involved. Driving on the wet freeway, somehow Cory's car started to fishtail, then starting spinning and then flipped over several times before crashing into an embankment. The car landed upside down and Cory and Sue crawled out safely. Thankfully, several people that witnessed what happened stopped to help and called 911.

The car was totaled and both are so grateful to be alive. We're so grateful they are alive. Thank you again God.

What Texting Can Do

Out of all the amazing electronic gadgets invented, my 2 favorites are the DVR and the cell phone. The DVR because I don't watch that many shows but the ones I do, I never have to miss plus I can skip through the commercials. I watched the Grammy's the other day and skipped through what seemed to be more commercials than the show. I love my DVR.

The cell phone, while I love it for the many reasons most people do, I love it mostly because it allows me to communicate with my kids on their level. That means texting! I would never see "I love you" hardly at all if it weren't for texting. I probably wouldn't get that many calls about being late or where they are as I do with texting.

So today here on the Ranch it's raining. The smallest, most intimate wedding I think we've ever had is in progress. It's cold outdoors but indoors the fireplaces are lit making it warm and cozy. I'm sentimental thinking once again about the future and I get a text from my son who is up in San Luis Obispo at Cal Poly. Kyle is probably going to kill me for this but here's what it says:

"On my way home from the studio and it's raining. Makes me remember how much you like the rain. Love you mom and i miss you."

OMG, is that the cutest, sweetest son ever? This is what I used to tell him and still do, "Thank you God for giving him to me." I focus so much of my thoughts about what my purpose is here on earth and how I'm to use my gifts for God's glory. I forget that a huge purpose for my existence is to raise 3 children to be seeking their purpose and guide them to use their gifts for God's glory. Kyle is in the architecture program at Cal Poly. He is pursuing a career path for which he is extremely talented and doing very well. He's involved with Campus Crusade for Christ and attends a guy's ("men's" makes me cry...can't do it) bible study on Monday nights. Chloe is in her Senior Year and has been accepted to her top 3 college choices which are all Christian Colleges. There's a 90% chance she'll end up at Gordon College located just outside of Boston. She has a heart for Christ and has just recently sent out a letter requesting financial support (most of you will receive it) to go to Haiti this summer with Saddleback Church. I am so very blessed to see God's glory revealed in these two amazing young adults!

See? Who knew one little text could make a mother brag on her children in this way?

Be Still and Know that I am God

Psalm 46:10"Be still, and know that I am God" is the verse Pastor Rick Warren posted on Facebook today. Although he posted it from an entirely different perspective (he's hosting pastors from all over the world), it still spoke to me this morning.

The amount of information being communicated about the Ranch is overwhelming. There have been numerous newspaper articles and TV news reports, it's hard to keep up let alone decipher what's true and not true. There are people/organizations calling and coming by as they are interested in purchasing the land including the City of San Juan Capistrano. The Mayor was here and is excited about the possibilities. There is non-stop talk between all the employees and guests about what they are hearing. It's so distracting.

I really want to try and "be still and know God is God" and not get caught up in the minutia of it all. God is God and He's going to have His way in the end so all this talk has no bearing whatsoever. These words I'm typing are easy to say (and write) but not so easy to live, especially for a highly inquisitive (nice word for nosey) person like me. But I will pray and ask God for help in this way so that I can focus on what has to get done which are 2 weddings this weekend. These are our only two weddings this month, thank God. This gives us a chance to work out the details of how we're going to make the ongoing weddings happen, especially as the employees start to leave as they are seeking employment elsewhere. Again, God is God and He obviously wants the weddings to continue so we're doing everything possible to make sure brides and grooms have the best memories of their wedding day!

Special Days

There are certain days you know are the ones you'll always remember. The ones most important to your children for you to be there for them. Even though there is crazy stuff happening at work and you have a big meeting, there is no way in the world you could miss this day with your daughter.

Today was one of those days. I spent the morning with Queen Hatshepsut in ancient Egypt, Greece and Rome.

No amount of money..no big meeting.. not even the aftermath of an announcement of the closure of your place of employment can compete with this!

Other People

I remember a sermon on how God speaks to us. I don't remember the Pastor but the ways in which God speaks to us stuck in my mind. He speaks to us through 1) His Word (the bible), 2) Impressions, events and thoughts and 3) Other People.

I called my sister in Christ, Aida this morning as I tend to do when I need good Godly counsel. When I told her I was really doubting God, she asked, "In what way?" I said, "That He exists." She said if she was with me she would of slapped me. She went on to remind me of all the things He's done for me. While I was halfway kidding when I said that, she made me think of all the things God has done for me. I think it was a Pastor who also said the word "remember" is used a ton of times in the bible. God wants us to remember what he's done for us in the past when we start to doubt His reasons for why He allows the circumstances in our lives. Sometimes we just need someone to slap us (in a sense) to jog our memories. Thank you Aida!!

Then a few minutes later Lisa calls to explain why she wasn't at small group last night. Karli, her daughter played the guitar and sang in her first public performance. She got a standing ovation. Awesome job Karli! But she got to bed late Sunday night and after shool on Monday, she was exhausted and went to bed early which is why she completely forgot about small group. We went on to talk about other things..her house situation...the Ranch situation...etc. She mentioned how people have told her she doesn't live in reality but rather a fantasyland because her dreams and desires seem so outrageous and far fetched. If there is one thing I know for sure it's that Lisa has perseverance to get what she wants like no other person I know. It's like she doesn't let anyone or anything distract from her pursuits even if the advice is the most practical, sensible and rational. She's passionate and doesn't give up on her dream. She lives in one of the most prestigious homes in Talega yet hasn't worked full time in 7 years and is able to put her full time focus on raising Karli. That is pretty darn amazing no matter what the who, why, where and how story behind it. All of a sudden, out of nowhere it hit me...my emotions were overwhelming. In that moment in our conversation I realized I was letting the practical, sensible and rational steal my dream. My heart tells me God brought me to the Ranch for more than just these 18 months. It was like she gave me permission to feel good about an impossible ridiculous dream. Thank you Lisa!

So thank you to all the other people God puts in my life everyday...the people who teach me and help me grow to be a better person...my children and my Mom and Dad who give me inspiration and strength everyday. Thank you for Amy, my sister, for being the rational and practical one. Thank you Brian for being my person and letting me share all of the deepest secrets of my heart. Thank you for Rochelle who has got to be the most encouraging person ever. Thank you for Sue and Sandy, the most generous and giving of their time and effort. I see all these offerings as compassion and traits I personally do not possess or at the very least, they don't come natural to me. Through these wonderful people and the many others, God is revealing His glory and His purposes for my life.

So "remember" what God has done for you in the past and know that He uses "other people" as a way to speak to us.

Ducks and Geese

Livi and I went to the Ranch today. She had no school and it was my day off so we went to pick up some of my potting things. My heart ached when I looked over at the Hacienda area where the weddings are held and saw how green and beautiful everything is...just in time for wedding season. We fed the ducks and geese that come running when they see a person with food. They know nothing of what's to become of their home. It reminds me if God takes care of sparrows, ducks and geese, he'll surely take care of us.

The man dedicated to managing the transition, John Charles started today. It's kind of funny that he was given an office in the old middle school building which is deserted because the school closed. He's managing from afar I guess.

I'm kind of blah today..sorry followers. The good news for a blah day is that I was very productive with my web site this morning. And my small group ladies are coming tonight. Thank God it's here because I can't make an excuse not to come. When I get like this I just want to be in bed and pull the covers up over my head...somewhat like hiding under a rock. More good news; Tomorrow is another day and God's mercies are new every morning.

Do Not Lose heart

I bought this cute little set of homemade cards at a Christmas boutique last year titled "How to Pray in Challenging Times." I am taking these adorable laminated cards with me everywhere as the prayers are so perfect. I keep praying this one today: Pray that God will give you eyes to see your circumstances from an eternal perspective. The verse that goes along with it is
2 Corinthians 4:16-18 16Therefore we do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day. 17For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all. 18So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen. For what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal.

What is happening is really starting to sink in. I don't know if it's that I've been in shock for a few days and I have this hope that some organization like Saddleback will come in and take over or if it's the peace that comes from God. How do you know where to draw the line between reality and faith? Overall, I do have faith like it says above that our troubles are achieving an eternal glory that outweighs these troubles. And that God works everything together for good. That's what I call big picture faith. But about the specific things like the Ranch? Should I have unfailing faith and trust in God that He will bring in someone to take over and that we'll all have jobs? Or should we not have faith for something so specific? I struggle with this.

Last night at church, Pastor Buddy asked us to bring to mind our current difficulty and remember when God resolved it before in our lives. Okay, that was easy as it was only 2 years ago exactly. First Capital was bought out by Wells Fargo and I was demoted. 6 months later I started at the Ranch and God answered my prayers of not only a job I loved, but He put me at a place I could use my gifts for His glory. So if He did it before why won't I trust He'll do it again? Because I don't want to leave the Ranch. I know...it's not about what I want. I obviously haven't learned that lesson yet.

A Truth Revealed

~Rancho Capistrano
We received our formal 60 Day WARN Act Notices yesterday from the International Board of Trustees at Crystal Cathedral Ministries. A press release went out to the media as well. Our letter states the reason for closure is because "CCM finds it necessary to severely cut its expenses" while the press release states it another way; "Regrettably, the current economic climate and the rising costs of supporting The Ranch operations led the Board to this final decision." The real truth is there is a lien recorded on the Ranch which has a $41 million dollar balloon payment due in March, 2010 and CCM is unable to pay. Farmers and Merchants are foreclosing on the Ranch. I am extremely dissappointed that CCM, a ministry, is not forthright with the truth. Why? What are they afraid of or what are they protecting?

So my first presumption was correct, the foreclosure. And probably my second presumption is to follow which is bankruptcy. The press release statement, that CCM has decided to "close down operations at the Ranch" followed by (in the next paragraph) "weddings booked at the Ranch will continue through the end of the year" is a flat out lie. First, those two statement are completely contradictory. How can the operation be shut down yet still operate to facilitate weddings???? Weddings are 50 % of the Ranch business. Second, CCM knows they will no longer own the property in March so how are they able to make that promise to the brides and grooms? Third, if they know bankruptcy is around the corner, are they knowingly going to protect themselves from refunding the $1,500 wedding deposits by including those funds in the bankrupcty? Are they really going to say to those brides and grooms, "Sorry, stand in line behind all of our creditors including the $41 million balloon payment???" Is that why the statement was issued so that they can hold off all of the calls from people demanding the return of their deposits??? Holy Moly is all I can say!

Here's what I opened up in my email today from my church home:
Saturday, January 30, 2010
God's Provision: Maintain Integrity by Rick Warren
God cares about honesty in the workplace; your business is his business. Proverbs 16:11 (MSG)

Thank you so much for your prayers and thank you God for answering them. My mom is doing very well. She hasn't been released as of yet as the test results are not in. However, she was in great spirits last night and was even hungry for a grilled cheese sandwich. So prayerfully, she will come home today.

Have a great weekend! It's been beautiful here at the Ranch these past few days. It makes all of us employees have the motivation to change our doom and gloom attitudes. Come by if you haven't been here in awhile.

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My hope comes from Him, He's my Rock, He's my Fortress

~Rancho Capistrano

Psalm 62

5 Find rest, O my soul, in God alone; my hope comes from him. 6 He alone is my rock and my salvation; He is my fortress, I will not be shaken.



Boy, do I need this today! The enemy is crazy working. Please pray. My dad called 911 for my mom last night. I think she may have thought she was having a heart attack or something. When I ran upstairs to see, she was panting and could barely breathe. They took her to Saddleback Hospital where doctors said she had a panic attack. They asked if she was stressed about something. I feel so bad...she's so worried about Dad and me not having a job in 2 months. In addition, she has some kind of virus that is making her nauseous and dizzy. They admitted her and she's resting comfortably. Thank you God! Please God, heal her from this illness and give her the peace that only You can give so she can really know everything is going to be alright.



Ranch update: Yesterday, supposedly (and I will preface this with saying that I have no substantial proof other than word from my fellow employees) the OC Register called the Cathedral for confirmation about the rumor of the closing of the Ranch. Someone at the Cathedral responded by saying the Ranch was closing because the operation did NOT meet its sales projections in 2009. Whoa!! is my response. I don't actually know what the numbers are for projected and actual sales, but I do know we were profitable and not by a small margin. It's public knowledge about the financial struggles of the Crystal Cathedral so it brings to mind a question. If a non-profit church organization were to file for protection in the bankruptcy courts, would it matter if a ministry within the organization was profitable or not? I know virtually nothing about bankruptcy law but common sense would be for the courts to question bankruptcy when there is a viable entity with valuable land within the church. So if this profitable entity was shut down and unable to generate revenue before filing bankruptcy, would that make a difference? Hmmmm. Interesting explanation. Sorry, just once again trying to rationalize this irrational decision. This is the only one that makes any sense so far.



One more prayer request please. I have been working tirelessly on my jewelry web site for the past couple of weeks because I finally made a commitment to get it done in January. Before this, it's been one thing or another including procrastination on my part. There have been things happening all around to distract from my progress so I can't help but think that there is something or someone that doesn't want to see it published. It's crazy I know. I tell myself all the time that it's my imagination or the common one we always attribute everything to: coincidence. But with God, nothing is a coincidence.



Until tomorrow, may God bless you!

60 Days Notice

1/28/09
~Rancho Capistrano
Yesterday, we, the employees of Rancho Capistrano were given an informal 60 days Notice by our Operating Director. The Crystal Cathedral is planning to shut down the ranch in 60 days and our formal WARN Act notices are to arrive by Friday. I’ve decided to journal the next 60 days to document exactly how God will miraculously intervene. Maybe not exactly intervene as He has had this orchestrated long ago. To me, He’s coming to save the day. Over the next 60 days I, along with many others, will pray fervently and unceasingly. I step out in faith to say two things will happen. 1. God will reveal His glory and 2. My faith will be stronger than it's ever been and I will be stronger as a result. I look forward to this journey.

The Ranch is a viable business. There are 97 weddings booked for 2010 along with numerous conferences. The P&L for 2009 showed a profit of nearly $350,000. So from a business perspective this is a horrible decision! From a ministry perspective, my guess is that the Crystal Cathedral’s first priority is to save the Hour of Power and therefore, all the focus is there. To shut down all of the other ministries within the organization will allow them to do that. In the meantime, there will be a giant-sized wake following this decision when it’s made public. What will the brides do when they get notice of this when their weddings are in a few months? Who will maintain the property so that it can be put on the market for sale? That is of course, assuming Farmers & Merchants won’t foreclose before then. Maybe that’s the inevitable…this property will be foreclosed and those in power at CC know it’s coming. My head has been spinning to understand the reasoning behind this decision.

Whatever the outcome God is in control. God is in control. God is in control!!! I had to write that 3 times to make it really sink in deep. There are hundreds of logistical questions surrounding the closure of this beautiful 20 acre place. It’s an undertaking of massive proportion that all has to take place in 60 days.

It just kills me to think that this holy land that has been used for God’s glory will soon be deserted and desolate? All of the Spanish Colonial buildings with its amazing tiles and brick to be left with no one to enjoy their beauty. It kills me even more to not have had the opportunity to turn this amazing piece of land into the picture I have for it in my head. Why did God put me here for this short time of a year and a half? Since acquiring this position without any prior experience was a miracle in itself, I believed that God’s plan for my life involved this Ranch. I gave my heart to the Lord as a 13 year old girl attending the youth ministries at the CC. I seriously felt a stirring in my heart when I used to drive by the property on the freeway. Everything came full circle and seemed to finally come together in my life. Yes, it’s been a huge struggle financially as my salary is only a fraction of what it used to be. But along with my jewelry, I truly believed it was God’s plan. So now what?