If I could just have....then I'd be happy

We've all heard the saying "If I could just have______then I'd be happy." This week's study in "No Other God's" focused on desires. In the story of Leah and Rachel in the Old Testament, one sister, Rachel, was beautiful and had the love of their mutual husband, Jacob but was unable to have children. The other, Leah, was homely and unloved but was able to have children. Both had blessings in one way or another but were unhappy because of the things they didn't have. Rachel did finally have children but still worshipped household idols. The point is that it doesn't matter if you have it all and get everything your heart desires, or if you're left wanting and unloved. Neither works.

Why is that? I look back on my life and seemingly had it all at one point. But even then, I still had something to complain about. I remember being so distraught because I didn't know which direction to take in order to satisfy my passion to be creative. Oh if I could only have just that dilemma today! But why can't we be happy with what we have? Because God is not the ultimate thing!

Here's an excerpt from the book:

"I believe obedience is the precursor to experiencing God's satisfying presence and the richness of His blessings. This is not a formula but a path that manifests itself in a relationship that is honest and open between God and us. It functions supremely when we are looking to Him as Savior. Yet when you encounter Him and begin to take Him at His words through obedience, His name doesn't mean easy answers but power and love and life-sustaining freedom."

There are several passages in this book that are really good. This one is profound to me at this moment in my life. During my divorce, I became obedient to God and have even grown more so in the last 5 years. I may not be a prayer warrior or serve in church like I should but I am definitely obedient. So if what Kelly Minter (author) writes above is true, then I should be experiencing His blessings, power, love and life-sustaining freedom. He says that He has come that I may have life, and have it to the full." But I don't. Instead, I have major struggles. Don't misunderstand, I'm healthy, my children and family are all healthy and I thank God all the time for that. My desire is simply to provide for my family while working at a job I love. The whole reason I started this blog was because I wanted to see (and tell others) God perform a miracle at the Ranch...because I love it so much. However, I haven't really been able to support my family with the money I earn and here's where my desire falls short.

My challenges are overwhelming right now to the point I have anxiety pounding on my chest. I feel like I'm on the edge of discovering these wonderful things God has but I just can't seem to get there. I'm not looking for easy answers but just answers.

I know I haven't communicated well the way I feel in my heart. But I do feel that God is the ultimate in my life. It's just all so confusing and every day, I try to figure it out. Maybe that's it. Maybe I've done all I can do in my obedience and have to let God do the rest.

Okay God, I do surrender. I'll let You do the rest!